Pay

The heart is a fragile thing.
A simple gesture will
Cause it to shatter
To a million shards.

To you, it's nothing.
Like a breeze blowing past.
To me, it's a hurricane.
A never-ending torrential storm

Wanting to stash it
To one side
Without a second glance,
But I can't.

Bring it back.
Yes, I'm screaming at you.
Give me back
What me I once possessed.

Just let me know
That I can live on.
Just shed some light
On this great mystery.

You broke, you pay.
You broke, you pay.
You broke my heart,
You pay for it.

With your own.

Sunset

A setting sun
A ball of orange
A glow of hope
A calming warmth

A Lone Valentine

It's February 14

I am sitting in my room alone again,

Staring out at the beautiful colours painting the outside world.

The glowing sun touches my skin, telling me I should not be there.

But I was.

The television was blaring some romance film I didn't care about.

There was a fine tune playing about love. About happiness. About companionship. About friends.

And suddenly the walls screeched at me, a scream so silent yet powerful.

It was yelling at me, to not be there alone. To be with someone.

But I can't.

I was sitting on a half of a love seat, still wishing for someone to sit next to me.

My arms were desperately searching for someone to hold on to.

I felt the need of a proper embrace again, one I had not felt for a long time.

I wished I could caress someone on my chest.

I wished I could find a human pillow to lie on.

We'd talk, forever and ever.

To most, this is a day to celebrate the love.

To me, it is a day to celebrate loneliness.

It is a lone Valentine.

Again.

Acceptance

I remember the times
When I was young
And my kindergarten teacher told me,
“It’s okay to be different.”

“It’s okay to be yourself.
Everyone is special.
Everyone is unique.
It’s okay to be different.”

I want to tell her
That she was wrong.
It’s not okay to be different,
Not when no one wants to be.

I am fourteen.
I walk down the school corridors,
Keeping my face low.
I don’t want to be seen.

I know that if I was seen,
I would be laughed at.
People would call me names,
They would throw stuff at me.

Some others would throw me malicious glares,
Daggers that pierce through my every cell.
No one will speak to me.
I am alone.

To some, I was invisible.
To some, I was inhuman.
To some, I was food.
To some, I was psycho.

Whenever school ended,
I would take the train home.
See people chat on the train,
And get jealous.

Why couldn’t I have friends?
Why couldn’t I be human?
If I am myself,
People would kill me.

When I reach home,
I am always in a black room.
There is no light
For a better tomorrow.

Every day is the same.
I should not exist.
Everyone tells me that,
In their silent stares.

Since when was it okay to be different?
If you’re different, you’ll end up like me.
You will not have a voice.
You will not have a heart.

It is a world of darkness.
A world where people on magazine covers are the most perfect.
A world where dreams are cut short before they can even begin.
A world where the silence screams to make you silent.

Can someone just help me?
Break out of this traumatic state.
Let me be myself,
Without this disaster.

Someone, listen to my voice.
Someone, reach out for my hand.
Someone, give me a taste of life.
Someone, paint the colours of my world.

Help. Help.
Someone help.

Run

I want to run.
Fly somewhere far, far away
From this dreaded place.
And never ever come back.

How can the presence of someone
Make such a huge difference?
My tears are suddenly dry
From trying to cry.

Self

Can I recreate myself?
The self I lost
To the unstoppable forces
Of emotion?

Difference

People tell us
That we should strive to be different,
And yet,
We all want to be 'normal'.

Routine

A human life,
Is just a routine.
You do the same things over and over,
With some differences.

Torture

Let me shroud myself in a cloak,
And stab myself with a dagger.
Let me burn on the fuel,
And don't extinguish the fire.

Stars

The last time I looked out at stars
I was thinking,
Why was life
So much like the sky?

The blackness represented the void,
Where nothing happens.
Where nothing grows.
Where no life breathes.

In this void,
We meet different people.
These people
Are the stars.

They slowly enter our life
And fill up the void.
Throughout our years,
They become constellations.

When you meet your soul mate,
That person will outshine
All the other stars
And become our sun.

This sun becomes
A half of our world.
It shines in the day,
Makes all the stars disappear.

But when it is night,
The sun is gone.
The stars are back again.
Shining like before.

But sometimes,
When we are still forever in the night,
We crush the stars
That filled our universe.
Extinguishing their every light.

Before they shine could try to shine brighter,
They get crushed.
We pick them out,
One by one,
And throw them into black holes.

These stars that we throw,
Will never become invisible.
They will still be there.
Shining in another person’s night sky.

Beginnings

When we begin a piece,
It always starts with something familiar.
But when we move on,
We can't seem to move on.

Change

I know.
People change.
But can't you at least see
The NOW me?

Cling

Nails scratch
A long, resounding screech,
On something I shouldn't be
Clinging on.

Control

I don't mind you
Twisting me around your fingers.
Just don't
Drop me
When you're done.

Forget

Forget?
Oh, how I wish I could.
But then again,
I wouldn't want to.

Details

When you're close,
You notice
Every one of his
Minute details.

Heart Break

To say the pain
Is like standing on fire,
And drowned by the big blue sea,
Is really an understatement.

Death was not
Worst than
The torture
Of heartbreak.

Reminder

His isolated presence
Is a constant reminder
That I have him
No more.

Moment

Will I
Still have these
Good dreams
Tomorrow?

Can't the time
Just freeze
So this moment would last
An eternity?

Forever in bliss
Is completely
Different from
Forever in torture

I don't want
To imagine
The future
For it goes downhill.

So
Just let this moment
Go on
Indefinitely.

Don't stop.
Please, don't stop.
Please, just don't stop.
Please, just don't stop now...

Hand

I see the fingers,
Straining to reach.
Something that fell,
Completely underneath.

Why did the grip relax?
Or did the opposition
Tug itself completely free,
Lost to nature?

The hand once held
My whole world
Now it only leaves
The shadow.

The hand doesn't give up
It doesn't stop its search
Until it finally will,
The object will not come back.

Shadows make the hand
A complete havoc.
It cannot be consoled
Or prevented.

Will the object come back?
Or perhaps it is time
To look for another object,
That won't let itself free.

This state of pain
Is completely unbearable.