Closet

I was staring at the blue sky again. Thinking. Mulling. Pondering. In front of me, I could see a building, shining a bright gold. When I looked at the clouds, I could see a face. A face I had encompassed my thoughts in these past few weeks.

I had not noticed someone creep up behind me. “Hey,” he sat, next to me. I could see his eyes were as dense as most. I turned, and looked at him. Though I was a day older, he was taller. Larger. Perhaps it was due to the upbringing. He hadn’t a potbelly like mine. “Just thinking some stuff,” I answered.

“Life in Singapore must be hard, huh,” I heard him clack open a canned drink, then gulp. I was sure that wasn’t beer. He was not even sixteen yet.

“Yeah, it is.” I agreed. Above me, the clouds morphed into a face I was thinking of. Speak to me, I pleaded to the clouds. Speak to me again. Of course, I knew my pleas would never reach him.

“Let’s head inside,” he suggested. We both walked into the company around the rectangular table and sat down. I could hear the sound of the folding of paper. The notes to be burnt to heaven. I joined in, letting my delicate fingers gently push against the golden pieces. Suddenly, the discussion was about me.

“Max,” I heard my fourth uncle speak. He was the cheery one, always making jokes, even at such a sorrowful occasion. How suitable for him to be the one changing the focus of attention to me. “Do you have a girlfriend?”

I jolted. A question I had never prepared myself for. What do I say? What do I say? I could feel the audience noticing my pause. I shrugged in response. “No, I guess.”

“Then--” he was cut short by my eldest cousin. “Are you gay?”

More stares. I hated that question. It was against my moral values to define my sexuality. But nobody around the table knew that. So I had to play along like a tame little puppy.

The audience seemed to notice my hesitation, and translated it as unwanted news. Fourth Uncle was first to break the ice. “We won’t blame you,” he said. I could see the eyes around the room fill themselves with a simple want to know. I could tell they really wouldn’t blame me if I was. That was what their eyes showed. Never doubt someone’s eyes. At least I knew these were my family, the people who would accept me no matter what colour I wore, what I become. They would respect whatever life I chose, as long as I was a good person.

My eldest cousin taunted again. He acted all fairy-like. “I mean, we wouldn’t mind, yeah?” I managed to smile at that stereotypical image of gay people. At least I knew I wasn’t like that.

I closed my eyes, winced again at the image of the perfection of my dreams, then whispered, “I guess I’ll never know until I experience it.”

Difference

People tell us
That we should strive to be different,
And yet,
We all want to be 'normal'.

Routine

A human life,
Is just a routine.
You do the same things over and over,
With some differences.

Torture

Let me shroud myself in a cloak,
And stab myself with a dagger.
Let me burn on the fuel,
And don't extinguish the fire.

Stars

The last time I looked out at stars
I was thinking,
Why was life
So much like the sky?

The blackness represented the void,
Where nothing happens.
Where nothing grows.
Where no life breathes.

In this void,
We meet different people.
These people
Are the stars.

They slowly enter our life
And fill up the void.
Throughout our years,
They become constellations.

When you meet your soul mate,
That person will outshine
All the other stars
And become our sun.

This sun becomes
A half of our world.
It shines in the day,
Makes all the stars disappear.

But when it is night,
The sun is gone.
The stars are back again.
Shining like before.

But sometimes,
When we are still forever in the night,
We crush the stars
That filled our universe.
Extinguishing their every light.

Before they shine could try to shine brighter,
They get crushed.
We pick them out,
One by one,
And throw them into black holes.

These stars that we throw,
Will never become invisible.
They will still be there.
Shining in another person’s night sky.

Beginnings

When we begin a piece,
It always starts with something familiar.
But when we move on,
We can't seem to move on.

Double Confession

Double Confession

Double Confession - Sneak Peek

Double Confession - Sneak Peek

Change

I know.
People change.
But can't you at least see
The NOW me?

Confession

Confession

Cling

Nails scratch
A long, resounding screech,
On something I shouldn't be
Clinging on.

Control

I don't mind you
Twisting me around your fingers.
Just don't
Drop me
When you're done.

Forget

Forget?
Oh, how I wish I could.
But then again,
I wouldn't want to.

Details

When you're close,
You notice
Every one of his
Minute details.

Heart Break

To say the pain
Is like standing on fire,
And drowned by the big blue sea,
Is really an understatement.

Death was not
Worst than
The torture
Of heartbreak.

Reminder

His isolated presence
Is a constant reminder
That I have him
No more.

Moment

Will I
Still have these
Good dreams
Tomorrow?

Can't the time
Just freeze
So this moment would last
An eternity?

Forever in bliss
Is completely
Different from
Forever in torture

I don't want
To imagine
The future
For it goes downhill.

So
Just let this moment
Go on
Indefinitely.

Don't stop.
Please, don't stop.
Please, just don't stop.
Please, just don't stop now...

Hand

I see the fingers,
Straining to reach.
Something that fell,
Completely underneath.

Why did the grip relax?
Or did the opposition
Tug itself completely free,
Lost to nature?

The hand once held
My whole world
Now it only leaves
The shadow.

The hand doesn't give up
It doesn't stop its search
Until it finally will,
The object will not come back.

Shadows make the hand
A complete havoc.
It cannot be consoled
Or prevented.

Will the object come back?
Or perhaps it is time
To look for another object,
That won't let itself free.

This state of pain
Is completely unbearable.

Tears

Broken up,
It speaks.
A piece falls off,
Then another.

It won't stop,
Until barely nothing is left.
This pain that grips and clutches,
And tears.

Silence

Worthy of gold,
It has no value.
Separation, Isolation.
Complete Ignorance

How does one
Measure its value?

Is it a treasure,
As it is to the bookworms,
And the teachers,
For its wonder?

Is it a foe,
As it is to performers,
And those with broken hearts,
The true enemy?

A silence may be nothing,
And everything,
At the same time.

Emotion

To be rid of emotion,
Would be such a pleasure.

To get away from anger,
No fumes, no flames.
No complete destruction
In anyone's wake.

To leave sadness's embrace
No more demotivation,
No more time wasted,
For useless outbursts.

When jealousy is gone,
No more fights,
No more competition,
For things we hardly need.

To leave happiness's smiles,
No more fake smiles,
No more perky edginess,
To make others stand on edge.

To love no more,
No more worries,
No more troubles,
About 'loved' ones.

For to be rid of feelings,
Altogether, ends everything.

Sunshine

When you see him,
It's like seeing sunshine.
You're blinded,
But you can't stop looking.